These little men are a treasure. Each day I learn something new from them. They have overcome undeniably difficult odds. I am proud of who they are and how far they've come since the NICU. That being said, each new stage comes with its challenges. One thing that has remained constant is their Sensory Processing Disorder. SPD is a neurological disorder that is like a virtual traffic jam in the brain. The information from all eight senses is misinterpreted which causes my boys to act inappropriately. If they have too little or too much sensory input, it can lead to a meltdown. From a very young age, Luca & Matteo have shown discomfort with new smells, sites, and sounds. As they get older, something as simple as moving from one room to another can send them over the edge. They hit, bite, punch, kick, and scream. When we're out in public, this can seem really frightening to other parents. I must seem like the most irresponsible parent to some. Meltdowns are not the same as a tantrums. I try to stay as calm as I can and bear hug my boys, just waiting for them to make it to the other side of their discomfort/anxiety/meltdown. But what I wish I could convey to the other moms at the park is that the pendulum swings in both directions. These boys can also be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest little guys too. Some days living with SPD coupled with developmental delays I just don't have it in me to even leave the house. Today I have decided to no longer be afraid. I choose not to walk on egg shells in fear of what their reaction will be. I am human. Life is hard. And that's ok.
*for more on SPD, I suggest reading The Out-of-sync Child, by Carol Stock Kranowitz